Nesting

B. was in Denver this weekend, and I took advantage of his absence to clean, redecorate and reorganize the house. He doesn't like me obsessively organizing in preparation for the baby's arrival (I think because it makes me seem a little like an animal frantically shredding newspapers for a nest). Now the second bedroom has become a nursery, more or less. I still need to get a changing table (on the furniture side) and hang up curtains.

I should also register for a baby shower which they are throwing me at work. However, I have done nothing towards this whatsoever because it makes me anxious, both contemplating what I should buy/request and actually going through the process. It makes the baby's arrival seem more real, and I still don't feel mentally prepared. I am so worried that I will get sad or B. and I will argue constantly or I won't know what to do. I feel like everything will change in ways I can't predict or anticipate, and the thought of such an upheaval (even though I really wanted a baby) is very scary. I know B. is very nervous about it too, so talking to him about it doesn't really make me feel any better (nor for that matter do other people, since everyone's viewpoint is that things will change utterly--mostly for the worst).

I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens, and remember my New Year's resolution about staying calm and taking good care of my psyche/general mental state.