I always heard that it was very important for new parents to have "date night", where they reconnected without their children. I read posts like this one on Two Bedrooms and a Baby, and think, "Date night is such a good idea!" So one of my priorities on moving to Singapore was to find a babysitter so that B and I could go out once a week. I succeeded in this, and she's babysat little R on four Friday or Saturday nights now.
Unfortunately B and I haven't been enjoying date night. The first time we went out together I was really anxious the whole time because 1. I was worried about Little R and 2. We had to HAVE FUN pressure pressure. I ended the evening by picking a fight due to my anxiety and disappointment that I wasn't really enjoying myself. On the next date night, we argued because I thought B had the wrong attitude (ie wasn't visibly enjoying himself like I wanted him to). Yesterday we went out again for dinner and a movie (1911, mainland Chinese movie about the Chinese revolution; produced as propaganda and it showed). We didn't quarrel, but it wasn't that fun either. On the way home, B asked me if I liked date night, and I realized the answer was, "No, not really." We would have had more fun if we'd stayed home and watched something on Netflix together.
The problem is, neither of us like going out to fancy dinners, bars, or dancing. Even before little R, we preferred to get cheap Chinese food and then go to a coffeeshop to read. We love hiking and museums, but those are daytime activities and more fun with little R anyway. We also love traveling, but I don't want to leave little R overnight with anyone but my parents (since they live in the US, that means all vacations have to be family ones). So having a traditional date night means spending time doing something neither of us really likes.
And date night is expensive. We spent over $100 last night, when you factor in the babysitter, dinner, the movie and transport.
B suggests that instead of wasting money on date night, we plan a weekend getaway every 4-6 weeks, to Malaysia, Thailand, Java, Borneo, etc (all of which are a short flight away). We could go here or here or here. This would cost about the same, and would presumably be a lot more fun.
I like this idea, but feel really hesitant about it. Aren't we supposed to reconnect regularly? Will I feel upset about never going out anywhere with my husband without little R? I feel like date night is something I am supposed to do for a good marriage (even though so far it's been causing tension instead).
So I still feel unsure about what to do.