On Amy's recommendation, I got The 5 Love Languages from the library. I finished reading it yesterday.
I was pretty dubious about the book (not only is the title stupid, but the cover looks like a cheesy romance novel). And of course the author has no evidence for any of his recommendations or theories. In fact, he often doesn't even have evidence from his personal experience (according to his stories, he gives many couples advice after knowing them for only a few hours, then never sees them again).
But it was helpful and interesting. One of our main problems is that while each of us thinks we are being considerate, loving and self-sacrificing, the other person has a completely different perception and feels ignored, unloved and embittered. The love languages book provides a convincing explanation for this phenomenon (each person feels loved only when that love is expressed in a particular way, and since there are five possibilities, mismatches are common).
We took the test: my love language is Quality Time, with a second place of Words of Affirmation. B's language is Physical Touch, with Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation tied for second. We both are completely uninterested in Gifts (we almost never give each other presents--I just buy them for myself; B hates spending money--and don't even have wedding rings).
No surprises there, but good to have it spelled out: especially because we are totally incompatible, meaning our natural impulses are not at all helpful. I hope this will help us express our feelings of love more effectively!