I had my first doctor's appointment for my pregnancy yesterday, which included a scan of the developing embryo.
It did not go well. The pregnancy sac is measuring at 5 weeks, but according to my memory I should be around 9 weeks pregnant. Either I made a big mistake with calculating the pregnancy, or I have what is called a "failed pregnancy". I suspect it's the latter, though I have another scan and appointment scheduled for next week, when things will become more certain.
I feel sad and very disappointed. I so wanted to be pregnant, and was really looking forward to having a second baby. My fears about this pregnancy have come true. It also feels unfair, because I have suffered through multiple weeks of feeling pregnancy-sick, and now it turns out it was all for nothing. I didn't really have an emotional attachment to the embryo in itself, but to the idea of being pregnant I definitely did, and it is so deflating to realize what I longed for isn't going to happen, at least right now.
B points out there are some upsides to the situation, such as that now I will be able to visit my family over Christmas (before I would have been too pregnant). He also tells me that since I got pregnant so quickly the first time, I will probably get pregnant again soon and it will just be like it took a little while to conceive. He is right of course, and I am trying not to get too sad and discouraged, especially because it negatively impacts the rest of the family.
Disappointment and the end of a dream are hard to deal with sometimes, though.