So after reading some books about sleep training little R, I tried out the method advised: which at this point was basically putting her down awake (at between 7 and 7:30), and then leaving the room. For the first few nights she whined, cried and fussed for up to an hour: not crying full out the whole time, but definitely awake and unhappy, and crying was definitely interspersed in there.
It was absolutely terrible to listen to her, and made me feel like I was going to die, even though I knew she was not physically uncomfortable or unsafe in any way. I can see why people give up on it! Luckily B is a lot more hard-hearted than me when it comes to R crying, so he wasn't as upset and was able to give me moral support. I went in every 5-10 minutes, told her it was OK, and then left without picking her up. It was so hard, because my instinct was to pick her up and snuggle her, even though that would prolong the crying ultimately. But after a few days, she began to learn how to settle. And for the last three days, she has gone to sleep quietly with either no crying or a very brief period (less than 5-10 min) of mild fussing. I am so happy!
She is still waking up an average of 2 times/night (at like 1 and 4 or 5 am), but falls asleep much more readily once she's eaten. I will keep getting up with her for the next few months, because I think she is still too small to go so long without eating (she certainly seems hungry).
The next problem: her napping schedule/day sleep. She is still having a lot of trouble falling asleep during the day, so she stays up until she gets really tired and fussy. I think I will just focus on the night sleep for the next two weeks, and make sure that she is able to do that, and start sleep training for naps the second week of June. I hope once this is all done, she will be a great sleeper (meaning I am not tired), and I will have given her the chance to learn an invaluable skill: how to soothe herself to bed.
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