Friday, August 12, 2011

Internet Problems and Stir-Craziness: AAH Baby!

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted. While we got internet very soon after moving in, it was extremely slow and terrible (even though we were paying $50/month, over twice as much as in the US). Apparently the Singapore telecom companies (all state-owned/run BTW: the economy here is actually rather socialist) deliberately throttle internet traffic speeds to make a higher profit.

Luckily B is super smart and installed several VPNs (virtual private networks) on our computers, which somehow fool the internet about our location and provide us with access to faster internet service. He did this about a week ago, and now the internet works again. I am a total internet junkie, and was so sad without my daily dose.

Little R is almost 6 months old now, and totally cute. I keep thinking "this is the cutest age", but so far she has only kept improving. She has so many new skills now, and it's really fun to watch her working hard at whatever project she's engaged on (reaching for a toy, trying to eat cucumber sushi, trying to sit or stand up).

However, I am experiencing a version of the "stir-craziness" my mother warned me about. It is very tiring caring for her all the time, not so much because the actual tasks are very difficult or unpleasant, but because it is relentless and never-ending. For instance, I don't get weekends: Saturday or Wednesday, little R is going to wake me up needing attention, to be fed at least 5 times, and multiple diaper changes. And she doesn't understand about taking breaks or sick time. Little R also doesn't care that it's 3 AM and I'm tired, or that I was busy talking to B: she just knows that she needs me RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW!!!!!

I do plenty of fun things (go to the museum, out to eat, etc), but since little R must come with me, a lot of the enjoyment is taken away, since I am still on duty (making sure she is comfortable, not screaming or bothering others, etc.). Of course, I have new sources of enjoyment now (her delighted smile, her laughs, watching her learn new things), but I am ungrateful and want to sit in a coffeeshop for several hours reading my book in calm quiet, in addition to having a darling daughter.

The problem is exacerbated by the following:
1. since we just moved here, I don't have a babysitter or anyone I can leave her with, so B and I can't go anywhere together without little R;
2. B has to work much more now, meaning he isn't available to watch her very much. Often he doesn't get home until 6:30 or 7, and since little R goes to sleep at 8 (bedtime routine starts at 7:15 or so), he doesn't have a lot of time give me a break, especially since during that time we must eat dinner.
3. Little R has decided she loves me best. This is great because we can hug and snuggle and be happy together, but also bad because if I leave, she protests. Today I told B to give her a bath while I took my break time (this was at 7:10 pm, and it was the first of the day, besides naps). She was happy for about 10 minutes and then screamed inconsolably for the next 20 despite B's best efforts. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and went in and put her on my lap, at which point she calmed down and sat there happily. I am not pleased at this development, which is probably being made much worse by #1 and #2: since we are together 99% of her waking hours, naturally she expects me to be there, and if I'm not, it is a strange (and dangerous? she doesn't know, she's a baby) situation.

I suppose I should make B hang out with her solo more, which will mean leaving the house (since otherwise if she cries I can't stand it and will go in). Probably I should start pumping again too; she hasn't taken a bottle since we got here. (Although she may not want to anymore, now that she isn't used to it). If I don't act soon, I feel like I will be bound at the hip to the little adorable gremlin for the next 2 years, and then I will go crazy.

I'll do my best to fix the situation by finding a babysitter (B will help me with this tomorrow) and enlisting B's assistance in general. We'll see what happens.

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