I wrote a while ago about how I loved my husband more than my child, which was certainly how I felt at the time. R was only a few months old then though, and now that she's older, with more personality, and we've had longer to bond (important as I'm usually slow-to-warm-up to people), this isn't true anymore. I love them equally now, though the feelings are very different.
I find mother love quite straightforward and don't really expect much from R in terms of emotional gratification. Of course I get totally fed up with her from time to time, but for the most part things are smooth and easy. I've only lost my temper with her a few times and while naturally we disagree occasionally, for the most part we are in close harmony.
With B, though, everything is quite different: passionate, full of emotional turmoil, screaming fights, laughing until we are dizzy, staying up until 3 am telling each other our most intimate secrets...Maybe because we met so young, we are very closely bonded. But our relationship has also preserved a lot of teenage-type emo drama (me storming out of the house telling him he's betrayed my trust in the most fundamental way, and I will carry that forever!!!: this was a fight over him forgetting to buy soy milk, and yes it was only a few months ago).
I was chatting online with someone about cheating spouses, and it occurred to me that infidelity is never a concern of mine. Even if B were to cheat on me (most unlikely), it wouldn't really matter because I know that body and soul B belongs to me. It's kind of like the way making a new friend doesn't really affect your relationship with your sister or mother.
The other side of it is that B doesn't have time to have a mistress, not just because of his job, child and other obligations, but because he already has one: me. Due to the way our relationship works, it's incredibly time-consuming. We spend SO much time on each other (which hasn't really changed since having a child: often a problem as now we have less time total, and so that time frequently comes at a cost of either sleep or productivity).
I wonder if this mellows out for most people, or if their relationship didn't work that way in the first place?