Friday, January 3, 2014

I Am Mentioned on GOMI

I have been MIA for a variety of reasons: traveling (we are still in the United States), family drama, me getting depressed again...I do miss blogging and hope to get back to it soon, at least once the stars align/things are more settled.

I checked my blog yesterday for the first time in ages (like two weeks?) and was surprised to see a sudden spike in traffic coming from here, which is a "snark site" (ie, one that people go to to make fun of bloggers and other people).

I knew about Get Off My Internets before and have read there from time to time. It's like most Internet forums, sometimes the comments are funny and can even be impressively insightful, sometimes they are frighteningly mean spirited or mind-bogglingly idiotic. Usually it's just like gossip in real life, fundamentally petty and personal (of the "Look at that bitch eating crackers!!" variety) and ultimately reflecting mostly badly on the person saying it.

Anyway, I was initially kind of excited to realize that strangers were having a discussion nitpicking me and my blog. I love constructive criticism  (how else am I going to improve? obviously I think I am doing exactly the right thing already, or I wouldn't be doing it). Also, while I don't have any kind of disorder or diagnosable problem, sometimes social cues are a bit hard for me, like the things that most people assume as standard, instinctive knowledge aren't that way for me. I tend to have a kind of list in my head of "things you are supposed to do/say" to guide me in the socially appropriate path. Even so, I will often come out with statements that kind of surprise people or take them aback (though as I've gotten older this happens a lot less often, thank goodness). It's not even things that are offensive, more like talking about how I really want to own a mobility scooter so I can spend longer at the museum without getting tired (which is apparently weird: I thought it sounded really practical). Basically my assumptions about what's normal or average or transparently obvious are just really different from most people's (and I think being an expat doesn't help, at least in an American context). So getting feedback from other people is more important to me than it might be for more socially tuned in types.

I was pretty disappointed with the outcome so far though (of course I read all the stuff about me, there's no way I could resist the temptation!). They did mention that I am socially awkward, which yes (see above), although what to do about it I don't know. Most of the other comments weren't useful, like saying I am mean for saying Singapore isn't cool (I mean, really??? Even Singaporeans think it isn't cool) or that because I dislike it when my child is ill, I shouldn't have any others (what a weird thing to say).

I know that some of the opinions I've written here are strange, controversial or not socially acceptable. But I'm not interested in presenting "an edited representation" of myself where I make myself and my life look impressive and approval-worthy (as was suggested by a GOMI person). For me, the point of having a semi-anonymous blog is 1. to be honest about my feelings/thoughts/opinions and 2. to discuss them with those who are willing or interested.

So if you have feedback, let me know. Maybe I will even learn something? I know I can certainly stand improvement :)

20 comments:

  1. Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test?http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
    I believe you are either INTJ or INTP, but definitely INTx. 75% of the population are 'S' vs 'N' and 60% of women are 'F' vs 'T'. Being an INTJ myself, I have never really gotten along with most women b/c there are so illogical and emotional and make no sense to me. Plus, I constantly, inadvertently say something to offend them and come off as a know-it-all. But I don't really care what they think of me. Just google INTJ and/or INTP and you'll find all sorts of descriptions of yourself and think 'finally, somebody understands me'. It is tough being an INTJ, it is the rarest type of female, comprising of only 0.8% of the population. I have never met another INTJ (man or women) except online. On GOMI, where everyone is bashing you for your post on fat women, well, I actually agree with you. However, I think your 'F' side is even less developed than mine, so I can see how all the 'F' women see you as insensitive and mean. Either that or you're just more brave in posting your opinions for the world to see. I have learned to fake a lot of smiles and suppress my honest opinions, cuz honestly, it's not worth my time to argue with idiots.

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    1. Hmm, interesting. I took the test and am a INTJ (which makes sense I think)...On the other hand I always feel doubtful about these sort of categories because generally they are vague enough to apply to anyone given imagination.

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  2. Also, I believe your depression stems from a poor diet, high in grains and sugar. Try reading this book, it's very enlightening.
    http://www.amazon.com/Grain-Brain-Surprising-Sugar-Your-Killers/dp/031623480X
    I think it's a much better approach than popping pills. I find that I agree with a lot of your opinions b/c they tend to be very logical. However, in the area of food and nutrition, I do not agree with you. What you eat makes up 80% of your health (physical and mental). Genetics and exercise is only 20%. I think if you try following something like the Paleo diet for 30 days, you will see a huge improvement. I did.
    I hope you will find this to be 'constructive criticism', b/c I'm only writing this to try to help you.

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    1. My diet is horrible I know, and I actually agree with you that it's tremendously important. The real problem is that the diet is mostly a symptom rather than a deliberate choice (as in, one reason I consume so much sugar is for mood altering reasons/as a stress response) so changing it is difficult.

      It's kind of like fat people: most of them are fat not because they eat too much and don't exercise enough (though this is the mechanism) but for psychological reasons, like because they are depressed or have been sexually abused (the sexual abuse rate for morbidly obese women is really, really high).

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  3. With deepest sincerity, I offer this advice: write all you want, but don't share it with the world. Your personal development is private. Treasure your privacy.

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    1. I do see what you mean...but I think privacy is double-edged. It's precious, but can also hurt you.I have a lot of trouble being open with people in real life (especially about controversial/touchy topics), and with expressing my real opinion to them. I feel like keeping things to myself all the time is harmful to me; it makes me feel like I barely know what my real opinion is at times.

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  4. Hi, I've read for awhile now, and I do enjoy your blog-do I agree with everything you write? No, but I respect that this is your space to express your thoughts and opinions honestly. Often I enjoy reading your surprising point of view on a subject and do find myself agreeing with you and your arguments even though it may not be the most socially acceptable standpoint. Anyways, I read the gomi thread - I do occasionally lurk on gomi to laugh at a blog I like to hate read- and I think that some poster do make one valid point. Perhaps you should be careful about some of the things you say about your daughter, just because of how she might feel when she reads it if she were to find the blog when older. If the blog were 100% annoymous I don't think that would be an issue but seeing as you use your name and post pictures of her....it might be sad for her to read that you love her father more. Do I think it's wrong your feel that? No, but that could be a hard pill for a child to swallow. Other than that I would say keep on doing what your doing, cause I enjoy your writing!

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    1. I think you are right and I rewrote the post slightly (especially since I don't think that anymore: I read that post now and think "What a naive idiot!" but I was only a few months into motherhood then).

      Of course everything on the Internet is immortal. If R stumbles across it later hopefully I will have done a good enough job demonstrating my undying love and commitment to her over the years that it won't be too scarring/traumatic. Otherwise, there is always therapy :)

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  5. I just wanted to say I found your blog through GOMI, and while I disagree with some of your posts, I generally really enjoyed your blog. You've inspired me to take my toddler to the contemporary art museum - I haven't been for ages, and your blog made me realize how ridiculous I was for not just bringing him along. Worst case scenario, we have a lovely lunch in the museum cafe and go home!

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    1. Awesome, I hope you had a good time!

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  6. Wow, that website is horrible. I knew people on the internet were mean, but the organization adds a new level of meanness. And somewhere, those people exist in the real world. Ugh. It makes me want to never leave the house.

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    1. Oh I think they are probably mostly fine people, just with a mean streak like most humans. Something about anonymity seems to bring out the worst in people.

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  7. I'm Jen - don't have a blog so posting as anon. I don't know if I've ever commented before. I've read you for a while, from a mention on That Wife. I come back because I think you are brutally honest about parenting and I appreciate your perspective. My husband and I are trying to start our family, and I feel some of the same things that you express. I know myself well enough to know that I will be miserable sometimes, and appreciate that you don't sugarcoat everything. I like that you take your daughter traveling and show her the world. I hope that my husband and I will be able to do the same with our children. I love to travel and experience different cultures and the thought of losing that because we have kids kills me. I also enjoy your book reviews and have a list I'd like to tackle, books I never would have hear of if you hadn't mentioned them.

    That GOMI site seems like a bunch of catty bitches that have no life, everything I despised about Junior High and HS. I don't get the point of hating on someone you don't know and will never meet. I guess all of this is to say, I think this post handles the situation well, and I enjoy what you write. I wish you and your family a wonderful 2014 and look forward to more posts when you feel up to it.

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  8. I'm thinking that posts like this will move you from GOMI to SOMI :)

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  9. Hi there! I am a GOMIer and just ran across your thread there. It might be an interesting intellectual exercise for you to read those comments as though they had been written about another blogger. There is actually quite a bit of advice there that might be of use to you (and very little true snark, with the exception of one who commented on your looks, and that person was quickly chastised for doing so). The people of GOMI are by and large well-educated, with an abiding interest in seeing better and more honest writing on the part of bloggers. Are there jerks there? Of course, like every other corner of the internet. But there is also much to be learned there, about how to be a better blogger, and possibly even a better human being, if you can take a step back and look at things more objectively. Good luck!

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    1. Haha, actually I thought the comments about my hair? or bangs? I can't remember...were useful and remind me that I really need to implement that item on my 101 in 1001 list.

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  10. Ignore those overly judgmental b****es. I love your blog and always have. Most of them are simply jealous, they will never have the life experiences you do, nor the income to allow them to parent the way you do. Keep blogging, it is useless to take advice from people who could never live the way you do. I adore reading about your adventures and hate that those women might have closed the only blog I look forward to reading. The people of GOMI like to believe they are all well educated and participating in intellectual conversations about how blogger could improve...however in truth they are just a clique of petty women acting like high school girls.

    KEEP BLOGGING...please! :)

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    1. Thanks Kate! I am trying again now that the mental haze has cleared a little.

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