I'm Pregnant

I haven't posted anything on here in forever: apparently blogging does not satisfy me particularly. Actually I think it's because things have been so intense and crazy (not in a bad way, just really busy). Since I posted last, I got a job in the Bay Area and moved up here to start it, deciding not to go to Japan for the summer; B and I did long-distance with me traveling down to LA every weekend; we started trying for a baby; B. finished his PhD (congratulations B! you are so awesome!!) and graduated; we moved out of our apartment in LA and into a storage unit (reminding me yet again of how terrible it is to move: I'm so happy it's done); I found out I was pregnant; B left for Japan (just this morning, so I still feel a little sad since he'll be away until the end of September).

Now that B is off in Tokyo and I am settled in here, hopefully things will be more calm and relaxing. I am pretty adjusted to work now, and like it: the people are nice, I am appreciated, the hours and location are good. But I guess things aren't going to be too calm, since now I will be focusing on being pregnant and all that goes along with it.

I haven't seen the doctor yet (hopefully it will be this coming week) or told anyone except B. I really wanted to get pregnant, and was sure that it would take months, so getting pregnant within two months was a pleasant surprise. But it is a little overwhelming, because it's going to be such a change, and because having a new baby is going to be combined with many other changes (like the fact we will be moving to Singapore for three years, or that I will be becoming a housewife, or that B will have a high-powered, high-paying, high-stress job). This makes me nervous about our minds imploding from acculumated stress of all these transitions. There isn't really an easy solution though, since 1. I'm not getting any younger and want children; 2. we are already committed to Singapore; 3. I don't want to work if I have a small baby and if so, then B needs to make the big bucks (or at least a little bit big) and 4. I am, after all, already pregnant. So I will just have to take care of myself and make things as simple for myself as possible, so that I can take care of B and the baby when he/she arrives.

Right now I am focusing my worry on eating right. Reading about pregnancy I see that I am supposed to eat right, and many people list all kinds of dire consequences if I don't. But I don't really understand what is involved in "eating right": everyone seems to disagree, and since I can't cook, it is especially daunting. I wish B was here for this reason alone, since he is both really smart and a fabulous cook, and all I would have to do is eat. I guess the best thing to do is to get my doctor's confirmation and then tell my parents. Since I am living with them while B is away, it will be easy to have them help take care of me (my mom is a nurse and my dad is a great cook who loves feeding me: in my family cooking is a male activity). B told me not to stress about it, that as long as I am not chugging alcohol or taking drugs it doesn't matter that much. Of course he is right, people are too paranoid (after all, my grandmother ate a diet of pretty much only rice during her pregnancy with my father on the advice of a quack doctor, and he was fine). But then I think how guilty I would feel if I had permanently damaged my baby by eating too many jelly beans and I get nervous.

I guess this is good preparation for actually being a parent, when you get all kinds of stupid unsolicited advice/criticism whose main thrust seems to be to make you feel inadequate and guilty. I need to start developing a healthy disregard for parental paranoia so that I don't become one of those neurotic parents who are constantly worried about germs or trauma.