Hard Day's Night

In my post before last I said that so far it was very easy to have a baby, and worried about feeling that way. Maybe R could sense my feelings, because last night she was a real handful. This wasn't because she did anything wrong, but because she could not go to sleep even though she was (apparently) exhausted and thus very fussy.

Actually I think it is my fault: I took her out three times that day, meaning that while she slept off and on it was not very peaceful, and then kept her up past her "bedtime" (which has been 8 pm the last week or so; obviously since she is so small it is hardly set in stone), even though I could see that she was tired. This was because I was distracted since B was going to the East Coast early the next day. I was also really stressed out because as usual B had managed his time so that he was frantically working until the last minute: I hate this style. However, it is his work not mine, and I really need to maintain a better distance about what he does and how he does it. He is his own person and must do things his own way (including doing them wrong/badly, if that happens). I wish I could maintain my detachment better, instead of feeling as if he is deliberately driving me crazy since he isn't doing things my way. Good training for R once she is a little older for sure!

Being stressed didn't help R find peace either. She didn't really sleep until after 2 am (B took over from me since I got so frustrated and grumpy with dealing with her), and she woke up again at 3:15, staying up until 4 (when we had to leave to give B a ride to the airport). She slept in the car though, and then slept again when we got home. Today she had several "naps" (not set either, since she is so small) and I hung out at home with one short outing to the local grocery store. At 7:30 I started the bedtime routine (bath, changing clothes, feeding, story) and she fell right asleep at about 8, like a little angel. She is still asleep 2.5 hours later.

The moral of this story: 1. I must pay closer attention to R's cues if I don't want things to go badly: she is only a baby and since I am her mother I must be very sensitive to her needs if possible and 2. I need to remember that B is a separate person from me (hard to remember since we are so close) and not take on his problems/issues as if they were mine, since this helps no one and just makes me crazy.

I am very glad B is a nice person and helped with R last night. Also, he didn't hold my grumpiness and hatefulness (since I felt like I hated him for creating a situation that stressed me out, even though my response to him is really my problem) against me. He is really very patient and kind. I am so grateful for him (and for little R, who is such a good baby and tries her best to navigate her confusing, frustrating and often uncomfortable new world).