The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce

I am reading Judith Wallerstein's book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce right now, and am mostly done. The premise of the book is that divorce has very long-term (20+ years), negative effects on children, especially in the realm of romantic relationships. Apparently most children of divorce later experience considerable difficulty in interpersonal relationships: having problems trusting others, selecting a suitable mate, and creating a functional relationship. From the book, it seemed that most children of divorce either had a series of very inappropriate relationships (often with addicts or abusers), or were just not able to form a trusting relationship at all. Some beat the odds, but only with considerable difficulty, and these were the exception.

From the descriptions of divorce in the book, it seemed to have an unambiguously negative effect on all children (although the younger or more vulnerable the child, the more they were damaged). Even in the case where the father was a violent drunk, the divorce caused enormous and long-lasting problems (though in the end it seemed to be the right decision). All of the children were permanently scarred in some way, even in the best-case scenario of functional parents who got along well post-divorce. The divorce was really a tragedy for them, almost equivalent to having a parent die (and in some ways worse than that).

It is a very sobering and dark portrayal of divorce, and if true, a damning indictment of current American parenting practices, since virtually everyone who either divorces or does not nurture their marriage is putting their children at great risk.

For me, it reminds me to take good care of my marriage. I hope that I will never have to get divorced, now not only for my own sake, but because it would be so traumatic for little R.