Saturday, August 20, 2011

I Am Abandoned (Not Really)

I am glum tonight, because B is going off to a conference in Tokyo tomorrow morning for 4 days, while I stay here with little R.

Originally we planned that all three of us would go, and I could have fun touristing in Tokyo while he conferenced. Maybe we'd even take an additional trip somewhere else! But due to one thing and another (moving to Singapore, finding housing, etc.) we didn't buy the tickets in time. By the time we got around to it, it would have cost over $1000 for me to go, just in airfare. It didn't seem worth it for such a short trip. I would rather spend the money to visit my family in the US (which we are doing Sept. 2nd yay!). Also, the flight to Tokyo is longer than I realized, about 7 hours, which seems a little bit cruel and unusual to inflict on a small infant, especially when you are taking a 17-hour flight two weeks later. So staying here is the right decision.

But I still feel desolate, because B is leaving me and I will be alone here. I know many couples happily spend lots of time apart, but we are sort of codependent and hate to be separated for any reason. (B doesn't even sleep well unless I am with him.) We did do long distance for a couple years while I was in graduate school and he was getting his PhD in LA, but it was awful and we hated it. Usually I am pretty resigned to his trips, but this time it's worse because I still don't have good friends/a support system here in Singapore.

I am scared about being all on my own here (when he traveled earlier this year, I went to stay with my parents so it wasn't so bad), and a little overwhelmed at the prospect of supplying all of little R's care with no breaks or potential breaks for 4 days straight. Actually, since I do 95% of all child care every day anyway, this is probably an irrational concern. But I have it nonetheless.

Tomorrow I have nothing special planned; Monday the movers arrive with all our furniture and other stuff from the US; and Tuesday there is a mothers' group I plan to attend (I haven't been before, so hopefully the other people are nice). Maybe I will email some of my acquaintances here to see if they have free time on Wednesday for an outing. With all of that, plus little R, I should have enough to keep me busy (and hopefully cheerful). I will see how it goes, and try to cheer up. Things usually look better in the morning.

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