Taxes as an American Expat Are No Fun

My current endeavor is researching taxes, and it's hard to think of a more boring activity. (Anything finance-related puts my brain into a deep sleep.)

The United States, unlike almost every other country, taxes its citizens not only on income earned and spent within the country, but also on income earned and spent elsewhere. This means that B and I must pay tax on his salary not only to Singapore, but also to the United States (even though we don't live there and the money earned comes from a Singaporean source). This can result in a much larger tax bill (since Singapore has extremely low tax rates; I think they are about half of American taxes).

Many expats are bitter about this little quirk of American tax law, especially when comparing themselves to other more fortunate nationalities like the British or Australians. I don't mind that much in principle, because as an American citizen I receive benefits even in Singapore (like easy entry to most countries, and the most powerful nation in the world backing me up in case I get into trouble). I suppose it would be better to evaluate AFTER we've paid the tax bill though (since no withholding has occurred from B's salary, we may be in for a nasty surprise!).

The whole situation means we must file taxes both in the United States AND Singapore, and must for the first time hire a professional to assist us. It is all very complicated and troublesome (and a waste of money: we may end up spending like $1000 on tax preparation).

I don't mind paying taxes and supporting all the public services that I benefit from; I just wish they would magically take the money and save me this whole rigmarole.

My Husband Is Really Cheap

B and I have very different attitudes about money. Basically, I enjoy spending money: I like shopping, I like going out to eat and ordering too much, I like getting Frappucinos all the time. I don't usually overspend, but I will spend everything I've got (this is why I need a budget).

B, on the other hand, hates spending money. Left to his own devices, he could easily live on a few dollars a day. When we were in a long distance relationship, and he lived in LA by himself, he chose to:
1. rent a corner of someone's living room, where he slept on a blow-up mattress on the floor (he had standing screens but no door or real walls); and
2. eat either pancakes or cans of beans for pretty much every meal. He would make a large batch of banana pancakes in the morning, put them in a plastic bag, and then eat them throughout the day as his sole diet. His classmates called him Pancake Boy (of course B didn't care as he is more or less completely impervious to other people's opinions). He didn't even buy butter for the pancakes unless it was on sale. Occasionally for a treat he would go get hamburgers at the discount burger hut (cheaper than McDonalds!), where all the homeless people ate.
He also biked everywhere, to avoid paying bus fare. He loved this lifestyle and was so pleased with himself for figuring out how to eat for about $2/day. (Sometimes he still misses it, but I don't want to eat the pancake diet.)

Partly this is probably a relic of how we were raised. My parents didn't have much money, but protected me from all financial worries. I always had lots of toys, food and clothes. Even though B's family had more money, B's father had to declare bankruptcy (as a result of his mother's severe medical problems), which was extremely stressful and shameful for the family (B was instructed to keep it a secret from everyone, including his friends, for example).

Unsurprisingly, we used to fight about money/spending ALL the time. In fact, perhaps our first severe fight was over a pot of jam. I wanted to buy the fancy imported jam; B wanted to buy the off-brand discount version. Cue huge fight culminating in B stomping off and leaving me on the street corner in a strange city as I wept dramatically from self-pity (he came back about 10 minutes later so I wasn't actually abandoned). However, over time we both compromised: B learned to stop being so spending adverse (some things are worth a little extra), and I stopped being so wasteful (like ordering three drinks--Sprite, juice and tea, for instance--at lunch and then not finishing any of them). I also learned how to comparison shop and budget (thanks B!). We haven't fought about money for years now.

Spending money still makes B anxious though. That's why I do all the shopping (including for stuff like his clothes), and why we have some odd lacunae in our lives. For instance, we slept on a mattress on the floor until we moved to Singapore and didn't own a TV, DVD player, toaster or blender. I didn't care enough about these things to advocate for them.

Progress:
--Exercise: Gym for an hour.
--Diet: Lunch: Focaccia with goat cheese, olive oil and balsamic vinegar; Dinner: Tortillas with pork and tomato hash, lettuce and tomato. Drinks: Frappuncino.
--Other: Didn't drink 8 glasses water; had a frappucino.

Making Financial Progress

I crossed two things off my 101 in 1001 list today. One was minor (adding everyone's birthdays to Google calendar) and one more major: paying off all our credit cards!!

I am especially excited about this because I hate being in debt, and yet since we moved to Singapore, we have been. It was unavoidable because we had a LOT of expenses (the moving costs alone were thousands of dollars) and had very little savings (being students is not a good way to build up a money cushion). Now that we are all paid up (including our tickets to the US for this Christmas), we can actually start saving money, so that we'll never have to charge living expenses again. This is especially important as we might move internationally relatively soon (within the next few years), and there is no way anything will have gotten cheaper. I feel like I am finally making a little bit of progress!

Living Frugally, Even if You Don't Have To

I went to a mothers' group today (my first one). It's good to speak with people going through the same changes and adjustments; also, it was nice to hang out with adults for a change (particularly since B has been in Tokyo for the last few days). Of course I thought that little R was far superior to all the other babies in cuteness, behavior and general development (I am sure all the other mothers think this too). It was interesting to see the other babies and realize that so much of what she does is just stereotyped developmental behavior, rather than something incredibly unique. She is definitely a calmer/quieter baby than average though.

The weird thing about the mothers' group here is that it is composed all of expats (=Westerners living abroad), who all are from a similar economic level. In other words, rich. Pretty much all of them have "helpers" (what they call live-in maids here), don't work, and have husbands with intense, time-consuming jobs who are rarely home. They are also able to spend lots of money on stuff like strollers, doulas, private baby nurses, frequent international travel, etc.

The strange thing is that I do fit in with the other mothers for the most part. I could get a maid if I wanted one, I don't work, and my husband does have an intense, consuming job. I guess I feel a little bit uncomfortable about the whole thing since we've never had any money, and always had to economize. Luckily, I don't have expensive tastes so it never felt too onerous (for instance, we traveled a lot, even if this meant that we couldn't eat at any Italian restaurants in Florence because it was out of our budget; and we ate out a lot, even if this meant only eating out at taco trucks). Also, I was raised by feminist, non-materialistic parents, so it never occurred to me that my husband should provide me with a particular lifestyle. Since I picked a non-renumerative career (museums), it seemed natural to only buy clothes at thrift stores and not have any matching silverware, new furniture, or a working TV.

Now B makes more money (though we are still not rich whatsoever, seeing as he's an academic and all), but I want to try not to adjust my lifestyle expectations too much. It's so easy to get used to living at a certain level, and once you do, going backwards is terribly painful and galling. Living frugally gives you so much more freedom.

I am worried that living in Singapore (and hanging out with other expats) is not going to be at all good for this goal though. For instance, there aren't any thrift stores here, because everyone spends as much as they can afford on new branded products (very important for your status). And if I spend a lot of time with people who feel that it's not possible to go shopping with your child(ren) without an accompanying maid, then I might start feeling that way too.

I am looking forward to buying certain things (like a flattering wardrobe), but for the most part I want to try hard to save a large proportion of our income and live well below our means. I need to keep this goal in mind, because it's so easy to be seduced into hyper-consumerism and a high-end lifestyle.