Cloud Gate, Chicago

B and I visited Chicago without R back in Christmas 2013. It was a combination pleasure/work trip for B, so he had to work two days (out of four) that we were gone, leaving me to amuse myself while he was busy. This wasn't a bit hard as I enjoy traveling by myself, especially when a city has museums as fine as Chicago's.

Museums aside, one of my favorite things in Chicago was Cloud Gate (nicknamed the Bean) in Millennium Park. I had wanted to see it ever since That Wife visited when she lived in Chicago, and it didn't disappoint.

The sculpture is made of polished stainless steel, so it's highly reflective. I loved seeing the famous skyscrapers of Chicago in the mirrored surface.

 Cloud Gate is surprisingly large, big enough to walk through and under.The coolest thing about this is walking to the middle of the sculpture and looking up: the reflections are amazing!

The best thing about Cloud Gate, though, is seeing the reaction of people as they get close to it. I loved watching all the tourists interact with the sculpture, having fun taking their photos and goofing around with their reflections. I think the interactivity aspect of Cloud Gate is what makes it such a successful piece of public art.

Having a Magical Christmas Without Santa

Merry Christmas!

The trip to the US was a big success: I had a good time and even did many of the things I was hoping/planning to do with R, including lots of time with family, a trip to the Exploratorium, two trips to the California Academy of Sciences, taking the cable cars in San Francisco, touring the zoo lights at the Oakland Zoo, riding the merry-go-round at Tilden Park and visiting Fairyland.

Christmas Chaos

 No family drama ensued: I think having our own space was helpful, even though we saw my parents every day and spent most of every day with them.

Meeting one of the many people dressed like Santa

Christmas was great fun. R is old enough to get really excited about it and appreciate the magic of the season, even though we don't do Santa. Or rather, we do Santa-related things--R received presents addressed from Santa and Christmas stockings, for instance, in addition to meeting several Santas at various holiday events--while being clear Santa is pretend and all the activities having to do with Santa are just a fun game. I don't like the idea of deliberately deceiving R about Santa, especially given the fact that we are atheists and thus don't believe in anything supernatural or otherworldly. The distinction for R at this point is admittedly vague (since the distinction between reality and fantasy for a three year old is not very clear in any context), so it's unclear if my policy really matters at all at this point. Perhaps next year its effects, if any, on R will be clearer. So far the explanation that Santa is pretend, just like cartoon shows, and that people like to dress up as him for fun seemed to make sense to her.

R opening presents

R received too many presents for Christmas (in my opinion: she certainly enjoyed all of them and was greatly satisfied). I bought her 10, which upon further thought seems excessive. It's hard to know how many/what to buy her, especially given the rock-bottom toy prices in the US (at least compared to Singapore: most toys cost two to three times less in the US). I love making her happy, and buying her toys is an easy way to do that. Too bad it has downsides. Her birthday is coming up, and I think I will aim for buying her 4 presents (one for each year), mostly small things. Giving her experiences, like a party for her friends and fun outings with Mom and Dad, seems like an ultimately more loving thing to do.

One of her presents from us was a pirate costume (on her "list")

Childless in Chicago

While B and I were in the US, we made a short trip to Chicago without R. She stayed with my parents, who besides my sister are the only people I would trust with R overnight; since they all live in the Bay Area, this is a main reason R goes everywhere with us, even to not typically child friendly destinations.

Our hotel

We were gone four days/three nights, an amount which caused me a considerable amount of angst, not really because I would miss R (I did miss her, sort of, in that I thought fondly of her, but could have happily stayed twice the time), but because I was worried about the effects of the trip on her. In the end, she was fine if a little sad (the trip was maybe a tiny bit too long for her taste, three days might have been better). B and I had a great time though.

The weather was not good, horribly cold to someone coming from the tropics

I am so used to traveling everywhere with an infant/toddler/preschooler that I kind of forget what a burden children are as traveling companions. R is a great traveler in a lot of ways--interested in everything, cheerful, charismatic (meaning people are nicer to us than they would otherwise be)--but even so traveling with her can be hard. It was so freeing to just pack for myself, to be able to sleep in as late as I wanted, to not have to curtail my activities or preferences at all...

I loved all the architectural details

 I also surprised myself with how relaxed I was: when R is with me, traveling means I am in a state of constant slight tension (what if she gets tired? bored? hungry? how long are we going to have to wait and how is she going to react? etc). No R meant I didn't care if the plane was delayed, if boarding was slow, if going from point A to point B took hours.

No R also meant that it was much, much easier for B and I to indulge each other. B wants to spend hours wandering around looking for the perfect restaurant? Grace wants to spend all day (literally) at the museum? No problem! And having conversations uninterrupted by someone needing something, or prying questioning from little eavesdroppers (R listens to all our conversations now and will grill us if something is mentioned she doesn't understand: very awkward when it's things I don't want to tell her about!): awesome.

The more modern buildings are interesting too

 Instead we could just chat, chat, chat: B and I have never had a problem in coming up with topics to discuss and for the most part keep each other endlessly amused (at least we think we are interesting/funny, I don't know if everyone else would agree!).

Chicago at night, from the Willis Tower

So I was predisposed to like Chicago, and in fact I enjoyed the city greatly, especially the architecture. I knew Chicago was well-known for that, but actually seeing all the early skyscrapers together is an impressive and interesting experience, like getting a glimpse into the birth of modernity.

Ardenwood Historic Farm

So what with having a mental breakdown during our last winter vacation, I did not manage to do much that was fun. I got sick over and over thanks to all the stress (three times in a month!), and when I was not sick, I was busy either crying, wanting to cry or recovering from crying. I saw basically none of our friends from home, either not making plans or cancelling the ones we had made because I just wasn't up to it. I only saw B's family once, and R did not even get to meet her cousins on that side this trip (sorry, darling :( ).

R's first woodpile (something else Singapore doesn't have)

One of the few fun things I did manage to do was to take R to Ardenwood Farm in Fremont. Singapore being an incredibly dense city-state of 5 million people means that R's exposure to the natural world is relatively limited. While we do take her hiking fairly regularly, and she's seen various animals in the wild, including monkeys multiple times, otters, and orangutans, she'd never been to a farm or within her memory seen a cow, sheep, goat or any of the other traditional farm animals. So I particularly wanted to take her to Ardenwood, which is a working farm (in the historic style, which is really what people think of when they think of farming: agribusiness is not really how I want to introduce the food chain to R).

R loved feeding the animals

Ardenwood is a great place to take kids. R got to run around outside, see monarch butterflies (which overwinter there), and interact with all sorts of animals, including pigs, cows, sheep, chickens and rabbits. She even got to feed many of them with the help of some very friendly rangers. If we lived nearby I would go all the time: there is even a working traditional blacksmith forge and a horse-drawn train! (sadly neither open during the winter).

Learning about chickens with the ranger, who was awesome

Feeding the calf

R's favorite animals? The rabbits (yes! my work is done)

 We went with Jenna of That Wife and her two young children. Jenna is a great photographer, so maybe not surprisingly her son is also very interested in cameras and photography. I lent him my camera (since unlike Jenna I just use a cheapo point-and-shoot that's already had a hard life) and he had fun taking some photos. I thought they were pretty good!

Me and R

Self portrait

R looking for havoc to cause, per usual

His sister

What's On My Mind Lately

It's December third already, yikes! Can't believe the year is almost over. Here's what's going on lately:

1. We fly back to the US for Christmas/New Year's next week (on the tenth). I am really excited about seeing my family and doing lots of fun only-in-America holiday activities. I am not excited about the flight, especially because in a (successful) bid to save money, we are flying Singapore-Taipei-Tokyo-San Francisco, leaving Singapore at 1 am. We also have an all-day layover in Tokyo which with an exhausted toddler should be fun! NOT. If only tranquilizer darts were approved for use in children.

2. B and I are going on a three-day trip to Chicago without R (she is going to stay with my parents). This will be the first time I have left her overnight since she was four months old. To be honest, I don't really feel the lack of "couple time" since we already spend so much time one-on-one (for instance, she goes to bed at 8 pm and both of us rarely go to bed before 1 am), though of course I always enjoy B's company. I am more excited about traveling without a small child in tow. I can read on the plane! If the flight is delayed I don't care! I can sleep as late as I feel like! etc.

I have never been to Chicago before so am looking forward to exploring the city. My must-dos so far: the Field Museum, the Art Institute, Millennium Park and Sears/Willis Tower. Plus eating hot dogs. It's my first trip to the Midwest!

3. B and I have officially started "trying" for a second child (which seems like a stupid phrase as actually I am doing less than I was before, because now I don't have to fool around with birth control methods). When I think about it logically it seems like a bad idea (twice the workload, twice the stress, plus additional fun factors like sibling rivalry or potential health/emotional/psychological problems of baby #2). But I really want another and thus logic has no place. I suppose very few people would have children if it was a primarily logical/rational decision.

4. We are staying in the US for a month! Which should be long enough to do most of what I want to do. Our last trip felt so rushed (we were only there for two weeks, which with an 18-hour flight and horrible jet lag is just too short). I am most looking forward to seeing my niece little DD, who is just over a year and cute as a button.

5. On the way back to Singapore we will be stopping over in Japan (again, same as last year). Yay! because I love Japan. We haven't decided exactly how long we will be there (at least a week, possibly longer) or where we are going. Somewhere in the country, in the north. Possibly Hokkaido: I am leaning towards the Japanese Alps currently. I want to see this:

World Traveler

R is 29 months old and has already done more travelling than most adults. So far she's been to:
--the United States
--Singapore
--Malaysia (five times)
--Hong Kong (twice)
--Bali, Indonesia
--Japan and
--Cambodia

This Friday we are flying out to Yogyakarta, Indonesia, to view the UNESCO World Heritage Sites of Borobudur and Prambanan. And it is very likely that we will be going to Sri Lanka in August.

She knows children from all over the world: some of her friends and classmates' nationalities include India, Mexico, Singapore, Australia, the UK, the US, Germany, Sweden, Japan, France, China, Thailand, etc., etc. Not surprisingly, R is very used to diversity of all kinds: religious (Singapore has thriving religious communities representing Christianity, Islam, Hinduism and traditional Chinese beliefs), racial (To her memory, R has always been a racial minority), and even economic (hanging out with street children in Cambodia and oil executives' children in Singapore).

In a way, this is great (as a card-carrying liberal I certainly am in favor of diversity). But I have a lot of mixed feelings about it: being a "citizen of the world" also means you are a citizen of nowhere in particular. I have a very strong sense of rootedness to the United States, California, and the Bay Area. My ancestors have lived there for generations, I was born and raised there, and it will always be "home". It's kind of like being part of a family: love them or hate them, they are part of you and will always be. Saying that I'm American (and from the Bay Area to other Americans) explains so much about me.

If R grows up here she won't really be Singaporean (having the wrong color, ethnicity and cultural background); but she won't be American either. Answering the question "Where are you from?" will require an extended background sketch, and ultimately won't be satisfying for anyone involved. I've met many people ("third culture kids" as they are called sometimes) with such an ambiguous background, and it can be very difficult, as they feel like they don't quite fit in anywhere. I don't want that for R: I want her to have a strong sense of her heritage and place in the world. But I'm not sure how that is compatible with living as an expat.

Visiting the American Embassy in Singapore

I had to go to the American Embassy today (because my passport will expire in five months; many countries, including Japan, require at least six months for you to enter the country).

I've always thought that embassies were little microcosms of their home country. The Russian embassy had really tough-looking guards and several drunks even at noon, the Chinese one was massive and full of modern yet slightly malfunctioning technology, the Taiwanese one was run just like a business (in fact, they are even called economic offices for political reasons)...So it was interesting to see if the theory held for the United States.

Security was extremely tight (way more than any other embassy I've been to), strange because Singapore has almost no crime. No cell phones were allowed past the entrance, a little shocking as they are such a crucial part of life here (Singaporeans love their phones with a very very great love: many dates consist of two people sitting at a restaurant together, each on their individual phone; you must have a phone to open a bank account). The whole complex mostly resembles a fortress, surrounded by massive walls: it's even on a hill. Quite a contrast from the neighboring British Embassy (which is decorated with cheerful signs saying stuff like English Is Great), and rather depressing: apparently Americans are paranoid and potentially violent.

As for the people? The guards were polite, friendly and efficient, if rather pudgy (no competition with the Russians there). So were the staff. Americans are so cheerful and friendly! Strange after being surrounded by uptight Singaporeans all the time. The waiting areas are segregated by citizenship (so Americans have a completely different room to wait in from non-citizens), something else I hadn't seen before. Perhaps this was to enable the staff to thoroughly grill all the non-citizens on their intentions (they are friendly as a social style, but this doesn't necessarily reflect their true feelings). This didn't seem to alter the (huge) demand to enter the US though. Americans: friendly, superficial, a little xenophobic.

The Americans were a mixed lot: many of them were naturalized citizens, from all over Asia (apparently the xenophobia is also superficial?). We are a nation of immigrants, so this shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. Many were businessmen, some families, a hippie girl with massive dreads (you don't see that in Singapore!)...

The most odious was a man in his early 70s. He was wearing Prada jeans and a Burberry shirt, a huge gold watch and generally had that aura of money. He was also accompanied by a young (25?) Southeast Asian woman (not Singaporean, probably Thai: she spoke not a word during the hour I was there), who was very obviously his girlfriend. SO GROSS. He was just ahead of me in line, so I heard what he was there for. He was complaining that his Social Security checks were being deposited to the wrong account: "I've called four days in a row, and no one has gotten back to me!!" Since he lives overseas, he wanted his checks to be deposited in a foreign account.

I thought that the United States should not be giving funds to gross, rich old men to support their lives of exploitative depravity in poor countries overseas. There ought to be an income cap, so that only those who actually need the money receive it: and the US ought to require that those receiving the funds reside primarily in the country, so that the funds aid our economy rather than Thailand's sex trade.