I've fallen into a negative thought pattern lately, whining about my troublesome child (who, frankly, is really not that much trouble in the scheme of things, being 1. an only child; 2. mentally and physically healthy; and 3. naturally an extroverted, cheerful, even-keeled person). And while I didn't post all my complaints about B on the blog (I'd like to say for the "sanctity of our relationship" or something nice sounding, but truthfully just because I knew I'd read them later and think, "Boy, I'm a bitch!"), I have certainly been thinking them (and sharing them fully with B: I know, awful).
Generally I've just been feeling sorry for myself, thinking about how my life is SO hard, enumerating all the stresses and issues I have to deal with, envying other people who seem to have the things I want but cannot get, for various reasons (which is probably partly why I wrote this post).
This is all ridiculous because I am actually very lucky and privileged, by pretty much any standard that you choose (leaving aside the fact that as an American I am already one of the world's elite). In fact, some people do envy me (the Bangladeshi migrant construction workers here, for instance: not surprising as their lives are unjustly, grindingly hard). This isn't to say that my various struggles don't count: but on the other hand, I need to have a little perspective (like by remembering that actually I am fabulously, and undeservedly, blessed).
I've been reading several books about happiness lately, and one of the suggestions for becoming a happier person is to spend time daily counting your blessings (or practicing gratitude). So B and I are going to try listing three things we are grateful for each night at dinner (we always eat dinner together as a family). It sounds kind of silly, but I hope it will help me cultivate a better attitude. It can't hurt, in any case!
Ah! We do this too... kind of. Every night before bedtime we sit on the couch for stories and I ask Brandan what three good things happened to him today, and then he asks me. Once Ginny is old enough we will ask her too. Another thing I do to keep thing in perspective is I have a weekly planner (one that has a space for every day of the week to write on) and use it in retrospect. So I don't use it as a calender but every day, or sometimes every other day, I try to sit down and write what happened that day. I don't make it about how I feel, but just write "Today Ginny and I went to the grocery store, she wanted to walk the entire time. G has figured out clapping and does it ALL the time now." It gives me a moment to reflect on the day, but only a few lines so it isn't so intimidating as writing a whole blog post or even an empty journal. Plus it's pre-date, so... super easy! lol.
ReplyDeleteAlso - I completely know how you feel. Some times I get so entrenched in the woes of taking care of another human being that I forget that in the grand scheme things really aren't that bad.
Love these ideas to focus on the positive: I think it's really important, especially because it IS so easy to get grumpy (what with parenting a toddler being high stress and all).
DeleteWith all of the traveling and moving back to the states, I've been trying to read your blog but haven't been commenting, I'm sorry! We can all get into funks, but it sounds like you're doing the best thing you can by recognizing your attitude and trying to find happiness despite whatever issues you may be dealing with. I'm always amazed at how much you are enriching R with cultural experiences and I think you seem to be doing a great job! She seems to be such a beautiful, happy, bright child. I hope that you get out of the rut soon!
ReplyDeleteI've missed your comments (and blogging too). But believe me I know how complicated/time consuming international moving is (especially with pets in the mix: that must add a whole other level).
DeleteThanks for your nice words: I really appreciate it (truly!).