R Started Preschool

Off on her journey

R had her first day of preschool!!! today. It's a very nice school, clean, well-lit, with lots of non-branded, open-ended toys, and meets all the qualifications that were important to me: warm, experienced teachers; a very high teacher-student ratio (there's 5 in her class and two teachers); a small class size (I thought a large class would be too overwhelming); and a play-based curriculum (I don't believe in academically based programs for such young children). In more practical considerations, it's close to our house and isn't too expensive.

She's only starting at two afternoons a week, for two hours a session (so four hours weekly). If all goes well (and she stops regularly sleeping in late), I will switch to three-hour morning classes for 3 or even 5 days a week. She cried when I left of course, but seemed to settle in pretty well (I hid behind a corner and watched; also they took pictures), so I'm hopeful.

I have been longing for her to go to school (at least for a few hours, no thoughts of boarding school here!) for months now. But now that the time has come it's kind of bittersweet. It made me a little sad to think of R having adventures without me: even if I hear about them, or see pictures, I will not share them. She will learn new things, make new friends, and negotiate complex social situations, but without me by her side. I'm (very slowly) losing my status as her gatekeeper to the world. Instead, she herself will decide what to accept, what to reject, and how to interpret it all.

This is natural and important, and I wanted it to happen (and even if I didn't, it would happen anyway). But it is a loss, of her babyhood and of the cozy cocoon I've created for her over the last 18 months. Sniff sniff.