I haven't been writing much, partly because my laptop broke (R opened the door to the study, got a chair from the other room, and fetched my laptop off of the desk: but then she dropped it; obviously none of this was with my knowledge. Reason #500 a silent toddler is ominous.), and partly because I've felt really depressed lately.
I don't have a good reason: nothing bad has happened. Actually I feel incredibly guilty about being depressed, because my life is pretty posh. I don't have to work, we have enough money for all necessities plus plenty of extras, my husband is kind, supportive and loves me, my child is even-tempered, happy and healthy...My typical day consists of hanging out with my daughter doing fun activities or seeing our friends, various chores and light housework (B even does almost all the cooking), and between 5-6 hours of child free time (since R takes a 2-3 hour nap, and goes to bed at least three hours before I do). Being depressed in this situation just seems whiny.
I have lots of experience with being depressed though, so I know that logic (or guilt) are of no use in this situation. Instead of chastising myself for being ungrateful and spoiled, I need to focus on proper self-care and mental hygiene. This means sleeping better (going to bed earlier, for example), exercising far more, improving my diet, and being more careful to engage in productive/social activities only. Which means I have to cut down Internet time a lot, it being my time-waster of choice. (Blog posting usually makes me feel productive though, so I can do it if I don't get sucked in to reading numerous sites at the same time.)
Hopefully I will feel better soon and then can go back to eating gummies on the regular and wasting hours reading stupid celebrity gossip.
You sound bored with life possibly...maybe try something new...are there classes you might be interested in nearby? Being a mom isn't enough for everyone...as much as it is taboo to admit it! Try learning something new, it might help :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate, I have struggled with depression and felt guilty because life is "great." It helped me to do something I had never done before, gave me a new "zest" for life if you will...
Hope you feel better soon!
I think you're right. I signed up for a yoga class on Thursday, but more importantly I need to focus on my goals (at least I have a list!).
Deletethat happens to me too. usually it ends up being lack of time spent doing something outside of daily routine. that, and the stupid winters here.
ReplyDeleteHaha, at least the weather here is on my side!
DeleteI feel listless when I'm unproductive (like you, a lot of it is found in wasting time online). The problem is that feeling listless = no desire to get up and do things. I think your plan sounds good, and I hope you're able to see a difference.
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at the book "Salt" in your recently read queue. I tried SO HARD to make it through that, but couldn't do it. I like non-fiction, but the pop culture stuff. You amaze me with your ability to slog through things.
And I read Verghese's other book, The Tennis Partner. I didn't really like it, probably because I'm not a drug addict, not a doctor, and not a tennis player.
Yeah, Salt was a bit repetitious. But it was for book club, so I felt more motivated than usual. So far Cutting for Stone is really gruesome (pregnant women should definitely not read it!), but I'm not very sensitive to that kind of thing.
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