Oh Right...I Hate Being Pregnant

I forgot in my drive to have another baby about the unpleasantness involved: as in, I don't like being pregnant. So far it's been a rediscovery/remembering of all the things I hated last time: feeling constantly slightly ill, being exhausted all the time, watching your body uncontrollably change into something (to me, anyway) really unattractive...

I also forgot how boring I find pregnancy, which is one reason I never recorded anything about my pregnancy with R. There is so much waiting involved (something I hate!) It certainly does not make me feel special or powerful, but rather the opposite. I have almost no control over the entire process, including whether I get to have a successful pregnancy or not. And I am doing something so common that the vast majority of mammals do it, generally more productively (as in, they produce more offspring and are pregnant more often) than me. Last time I felt as if I were downgrading, reduced to the same denominator as a brood mare or a cow.

This is a pretty negative view of pregnancy, which is ungrateful considering 1. how much I wanted to be pregnant and 2. all the people who can't get pregnant for whatever reason. But if you can't be whiny and ungrateful on your anonymous blog, where can you?

The thing I most like about pregnancy (planning about the future) I haven't been able to do because this pregnancy doesn't seem fully real to me. I keep taking pregnancy tests even though all my symptoms are marked and obvious. And when I do think about being pregnant, I keep worrying that I will have a miscarriage. Perhaps I am reacting this way because it was "too easy" to get pregnant, after all my angst on the subject? I am not sure.

Symptoms so far include exhaustion (I am SO TIRED), tender, larger breasts, vomiting, nausea, lack of appetite, and dizziness. Pregnancy is kind of unfair, because if I weren't pregnant I would assume I was ill and take to my bed with lots of medicine. But I'm "just pregnant" so there is no cure, no worthwhile medicine, and life as usual. Hopefully I will be better soon: I remember the first trimester last time was bad, but things improved as my pregnancy advanced.